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November 3rd, 2007
05:41 am - dental floss
You know what? "Cavemen" is kinda funny, actually.
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October 31st, 2007
03:08 am - we're all stuck out in the desert
"Do you study entertainment law in law school?"
"I don't think so."
"So where do entertainment lawyers come from?"
"Well, you see, when two entertainment lawyers love eachother very much, ..."
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02:29 am - "Mom, I'm gonna go Pompeii on your ass!"
I like pie. Especially lemon meringue. Not the white fluffy part so much. People always put too much of it.
My mom used to bring coconut creme and banana creme pie home for me from work, when she worked at Mann's Grill.
I do not like cake.
Inevitably, on holidays or my birthday, my mom would make a cake. Then she'd insist I eat some. I'd tell her, "Mom, I don't like cake. Please don't make a cake for my birthday." Then she'd make one. And she'd complain and guilt me until I ate it. "Oh, I made this cake! Feel bad that I put all this work into it until you eat some!"
Then, I'd eat the cake.
Then, mom would tell all the guests, "Jeremy always complains that he doesn't like cake, but every time I make some he gobbles up the whole thing!" And people would laugh, and I would stir like the wind-tossed ashes of viking warriors high atop their flaming funeral pyres.
I do not like cake.
See also: Nazis.
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October 30th, 2007
October 29th, 2007
10:33 pm - This Means War!
I always wondered why my dad kept a moustache his whole life. Now I know. It's 'cause it makes you laugh every time you see yourself. I feel ridiculous, and I love it.
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October 25th, 2007
06:24 am - "He's dancing with a blow up doll!" "Who isn't?"
This man has the coolest website ever, by sheer audacity alone, if nothing else.
Bahram Radan
I want a website where multiple versions of myself manifest magically over an apocalyptic landscape and then animate as the viewer hovers over them.
Who here can make that happen?
No, really.
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October 20th, 2007
08:12 pm - skin and bones
Birthday Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
Thanksgiving Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
Christmas Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
New Year's Eve Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
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October 16th, 2007
04:40 am - Fudgehog!
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Circa: About a year ago
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Boy and girl have obtained a pizza. Boy places pizza on area of bigsoftcushything where they will sit and watch a movie. Boy goes to get beverage and sits back down upon bigsoftcushything. Wondering where his food has gone, boy has a lost look about him. Boy suddenly realizes he's sat on pizza. Girl notices and laughs at him. He hops up in dismay.
Boy: Dismay! (moan)
Girl: Mockery!
Boy sighs and sullenly goes to sit back down.
Girl: No! Don't just continue sitting in it! You have to wash it before the stain sets in!
Boy: Oh, right.
Boy walks to the bathroom where he juts his bottom out toward the sink and tries arduously to place it in the sink basin. He can't get it under the faucet, so he turns the wate on and begins to blindly splash water AT his bottom with his hand.
Girl: What the hell are you doing?
Boy: Washing it off.
Girl: ...
Boy: ...
Girl: Why don't you just take your pants OFF?
Boy: Oh. Oh!
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I really do have quite a high IQ, honest.
No, really.
Fine.
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October 11th, 2007
02:54 am - i has balloons?
E: Loud thunder! (scared)
J: Don’t be scared, just think: If you were deaf, would the thunder bother you? NO! So, if you were deaf, in the same situation, you’d be fine. So just keep that in mind.
E: Err… okay. I’m not sure if I’m comforted or not.
J: I AM WISE! YOU ARE COMFORTED!
E: …
J: Think about it… Imagine there’s a big scary animal. In your living room. You see it, you’re terrified. “Oh no! Big scary ocelot!,” you’d say. Or something. BUT! If you you were a little blind girl, what would you do? You’d probably just walk up and pet it. Maybe even lick it.
So, instead of being scared, I always just try to ask myself, “Would the little blind girl be scared?” No! So why should I?
E: Why would I lick a mystery object in my living room?
J: Because you're retarded.
E: What?
J: In the scenario, I mean. Not YOU. The little girl. She is. She's also retarded.
E: Oh, I get it. You’re weird.
J: I find that pretending to be a deaf, blind, retarded little girl gets me through most life situations.
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October 9th, 2007
02:33 am - it's getting hairy in here
You know that part in Teen Wolf, when Michael J. Fox turns into a werewolf suddenly during basketball practice, and no one calls the authorities, or freaks out, or tries to shoot him, or anything, they just all think it's really awesome and take him out for pizza and drinks? I wish life were more like that.
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October 6th, 2007
04:25 pm - yes
( purchase here )
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September 29th, 2007
07:14 pm - "We used to say: if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."
Observations:
- Portals, it seems, are living ethereal creatures, like invisible clouds, that exist on two planes. They absorb and break you, or anything, down to absorb your energy, which is their life-food. Then they excrete you, recomposed, but with less energy, somewhere else. So, while it's relatively safe to pass inanimate objects through them without harm (because the portals seem to reject and pass these objects without alteration), you must be very careful of your personal energy levels any time you decide to use one. I haven't tested the limits, for obvious reasons, but it's entirely probable you could manifest on the other side of a portal stone cold dead.
- Though I lack the equipment to really, truly confirm this, the sensation and behavior of the portals implies to me that they're not clouds but rather swarms of nano-insects, with a hive mind tied permanently to another place, another plane. But when you learn to see tem, they always look like shimmery, floating swirls of fuschia glitter in vaguely spherical formations.
I did once see a black and gray-green one, like tv static. I didn't use it.
- The process itself is painful, initially, if only because it requires a pretty intense level of reality adjustment. Learning to cope with the fact that you'[re being dematerialized and reincarnated. It's a psychological pain, self-imagined. Once I got used to it, I realized I couldn't even feel the process. You jsut have to learn to let go. The more you resist, mentally, the longer the process takes. Which gives me some odd thoughts about the potential will and consciousness of the portals themselves, and who is imposing upon whom.
- The portals are consistent. When you go through one you can turn right around (personal health affording) and go back through it and get "here." And you can always find the same portal in the same spot, as if the "glitter-bugs" are anchored there somehow. The inconsistency, however, has been in the types of "there" to which they transport you. I haven't been able to figure out any rhyme or reason to how far away a particular portal might send you based on their appearance alone.
In fact, some may be sending me not to a "where" but to a "when."
Maybe if I had the means to view them in another way, like sound frequencies or thermal levels, maybe even density. For now, I'm going to do my best to keep a record of the locations and destinations of the portals I've encountered.
- I just woke up, I'll have to revisit all of this later when I'm a bit more coherent.
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September 28th, 2007
04:33 pm - do it! do it?
Jeremy is up against over 300 other hopefuls for a lead role in a feature-length action film with Jino Kang, a pretty legendary martial artist/actor. You should make clappy best of luck-well-wishy pray-time for him.
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September 25th, 2007
September 17th, 2007
05:03 pm - digging holes in water
I dropped my bowl while making macaroni.
There was no cheese (powder) yet, so that's good, at least.
But.
It broke.
I had two, should someday someone ever come over, and eat macaroni with me.
Now there's only one.
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September 4th, 2007
11:44 pm - my lawyer made me change this title, and by lawyer I mean r_goodfellow
J: Well, the camera angle was obscure, you could've been using your teeth, like a Cat-Woman. Or maybe a Rabbit Woman.
J: Rabbits do that, right? Carry their young in their mouth?
J: I know hamsters do, but then sometimes they forget what they're doing and just eat them. They'll be like, carrying the kids to school, walking along and, all of a sudden, they'll think, "Hey, what's this in my mouth? Maybe I should eat it."
K: lol
NOM NOM NOM
J: "No mom! Don't eat meez!"
K: hahah
J: I think those were my first words, actually.
K: hahahaha
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September 1st, 2007
03:58 am - One-Line DVD/Movie Reviews: Death Sentence
This is what "The Punisher" should have been.
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03:55 am - One-Line DVD/Movie Reviews: Halloween
A quote: "Oh, come on, really!"
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August 26th, 2007
04:10 am - paper tiger
Jesse: Could you smash a coffee cup with your bare hands?
Jeremy: Well, I can smash the hopes and dreams of a child with but a word, so why not?
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